Knight Rider was completely misleading

Where the hell is my talking car, Michael?

I watched Knight Rider. Religiously. Not because Hasselhoff was cool…he certainly wasn’t. I watched it because of KITT. An intelligent, mostly-autonomous, talking car. It was the coolest. (Next to the A-Team, of course.)

I remember how amazing my grandparents’ new Chrysler New Yorker seemed when it told me that its door was ajar. I think that was the point at which I automatically assumed that one day – certainly by now – that my dreams of being spoken to by nearly every inanimate object would be realized.

Not true. I didn’t hear “Good morning. Your toast is ready, Jason.” before I left for work. I didn’t hear “My perimeter is secure.” when I locked the front door. Maybe more things speak to you in Japan. They seem to like that sort fo thing. Talking toilets and the like. The train to the airport tells me what stop we’re approaching, but that’s really the end of it. Why did the talking cars go away and why didn’t more things start talking? Someone invented the Roomba which vacuums the floor by itself. I’m happy pushing the vacuum around myself. I’d be elated if we could have a nice chat about the weather while I cleaned. How about working on that, Roomba guy?

Oooh…that reminds me, I’ve let the house get out of hand. Looks like an evening of pushing around my speechless vacuum around lies ahead.